emotion log
been a little while!
i started medication on the 6th of april, antipsychotics that is. they say it takes a while (couple days to weeks for it to "work), but i hope i feel different soon. i am very curious to see how life will feel like once i live like the average person
i'll keep this short
i just wanted to log my behavior as i am on the meds. before the 6th i felt a bit nervous? jittery for whatever reason. but alright, i felt fine. i've been impatiently waiting for tomodachi life, so maybe that's why. hm.
the morning of the 7th of april, i still felt more or so the same. but fast forward 2 hours later where i'm outside doing a few tasks, it felt like everything was going so damn fast!!! almost like a rush, my breathing was a bit too big and i was hyper aware of everything. it ended maybe 30 minutes after it started but that was a little freaky, don't know what that was about. my thoughts were completely normal, but i did not like the rush feeling.
right now, (currently 1am, 9th) someone said something to me and it felt like a spark to dead grass. i have no idea how i got upset so easily. was the topic that sensitive to me that it would happen regardless of how i am mentally? or was it my illness... i'm not sure. i'm thinking it was the former, it has to be. if anyone held the same opinion as i did, i think they'd be upset too.
i don't think it's right to call a whole community disgusting, just because it's your own made up assumption/bias. that's a bit wrong, isn't it? yes, i know there's exceptions... but the topic specifically was "artists". what could ever warrant that, that you'd call a whole community disgusting? it's very hurtful. it hurt, because i'm an artist too and i really don't like being ostracized more than i already am
this specific community is pretty tame. it's a given that most artists are queer or even mentally unwell, so their pieces might not speak to you— but it might speak to someone else! so you have no place to call it odd
my works aren't an act of anything besides venting out my own emotions that i don't want in my head. (and of course, on the occasion of "i think this would look nice".) i draw doodles of people showing off skin because i think the human body is worth appreciating (/ω＼) i want to feel like those old sculptors of greek statues. their work is very inspiring, i like how they highlight our bodies. even if my work is modern, i still like to show off bodies like that, you know, give others confidence if they happen to have the same type of body(^・ω・^ ) i just want others to be comfortable for who they are~ no use in having shame~ there's someone who appreciates you, too
i felt terrible, but talking about why i do the things i do made me a bit happy. i hope to continue doing it forever